Loud: Accept Nothing Less Than the Life You Deserve by Drew Afualo

Author:Drew Afualo [Afualo, Drew]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux

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Throughout college, the running joke in my friend group was that I was way too picky. Even then, I already had a zero-tolerance policy for male bullshit, which meant that I ruled out guys after the smallest misstep, from making up a word right after he got done telling me how smart he was, to littering in front of me. I dated here and there during my time in college, but I never pursued anything serious because nothing ever felt … right. For most of school I was caught in a melancholy daze of never wanting to bring any of the dudes I was dating around my friends or family. Partially because it was hard to be serious about these guys who were so unserious, and if I wasn’t serious about them, there was no way I was letting them have access to my inner circle. Even for the guys who weren’t outright horrible and made it past the initial assessment, there was always something missing, and no matter what, I would always find a reason to bail. My friends would laugh about it all the time, but as I neared college graduation without ever having had a long-term, let alone meaningful, relationship, there would be moments when I started to wonder if maybe they were right. Maybe I was too picky.

I’ve always been the “mom” of my friend group. If you’re sick, I am the annoying friend texting you ten times asking if you need delivery, if you’ve made a doctor’s appointment, if you’ve turned off the work email and gotten some rest yet. Basically, I take care of everybody in the way I know how to from growing up with my mom. You could say it became my friendship love language: sticking up for my friends and gassing them up. Making sure they were aware of how much better they deserved than the shitty dudes we would randomly meet or go to school with. I never missed an opportunity to remind them that these guys sucked ass and would never be good enough for them, even if they seemed okay right now.

I also was already on my beat as crusader for other women and femmes around me at this time, having seen the ominous dangers ever present in what we loosely define as “college hookup culture.” I took care of my friends when we went out and they were trying to drink and have fun. We could never be too careful when it came to having “normal college experiences,” quote-unquote, because as women, we were vulnerable. We had to have our heads on a swivel at all times. College years promise young men the time of their lives playing, partying, and objectifying women for their own pleasure. We girls were just trying to have a good time, too, believing we were also entitled to that, but coexisting among men never really makes that an easy journey, does it? We had to be cautious, but not too much.

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